“… Eat, drink and be merry… for tomorrow we die…”
So the song says…
Yesterday was a trip. An ordinary day turned unique so to speak.
Started of as a normal day, went to a client in the morning then everything just picked up from there. Went to Makati next to bring chocolates, then I went home. I thought my day was going to end there, but nighttime gave another story.
When the sun went out, so did my PC. I thought it was busted up again (as usual) so I called my Nazi friend to fix my computer. On his way to our place, he ran over an old dog. When he got to our place he called up the dog’s owner (well… he knew the owner of the dog) and they decided to bury it. So we marched off to the scene of the crime in the middle of the night, armed with a hoe and two shovels. They started to dig beside a cluster of banana trees in a vacant lot. I was watching three men digging a grave amidst the foliage under the peaking moon and night sky. It was a sight!
It was the first time I ever participated in burying something in the middle of the night. Something someone I know killed no less! We were even joking about that topic and of him killing enemies and us burying people instead. Some sick, private jokes… hehehe…
So after that scenario we went back to my place, now armed with beers, and planned to drink the night away. For old times’ sake because we don’t hang out as often these days so we decided to make the most of that night. Plus, this new story will be a fine addition sa aming mga kwentong barkada.
I thought that was all the stories for that day, I’m glad I was wrong. Before we started our session, I was on the phone… and surprisingly, it turned to a lengthy conversation. “All the more reason to celebrate…” My kabarkada said as he cheerfully toasted his drink before midnight struck. Yes, it was indeed a note-worthy day. Indeed it was.
As hours went on, so did music passed through our ears. And at one time, he played “Tripping Billies” and that line got stuck in my head:
“… Eat, drink and be merry… for tomorrow we die…”
Eat, drink and be merry. We’ll never know what will happen next. The dog died just like that. It can be any one of us. Eat, drink and be merry. For tomorrow we can die.
So were merry, we drank… and by early morning… we looked for something to eat. We traveled to Fairview’s famous shawarma, but alas, we were late by 10 minutes! (10 freakin’ minutes… but it was ok… joy ride! Hehehe…) Then we started to crave for Wendy’s, and again to no avail. So Jollibee 24 hours it is. Joy ride!!! I even saw an old friend there, a member of Paramita (Check them out! Hehehe…) and I asked for gig scheds. Wow… more places to go to…
So it was six in the morning, I have to meet up with a friend-slash-business-partner by 9:30 am (she was already panicking that I was still up) about our project. No worries here. I was just making the most out of that seemingly-ordinary-day-turned-special.
“… So eat, drink and be merry… for tomorrow we die…”
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
Series of What's & Why's --- VI
Why do i feel that the earth isn't moving?
Why do i feel my heart's hallow?
Why does is seems that everything is still?
as if i can watch a teardrop falling for hours on end.
what is this silence that surrounds?
that which screams on my stolid ear.
what are these wails of emotion -
that makes the deafening, empty silence alive?
still staring at the quiet starless skies...
still waiting for redemption...
as if my whole life is bleeding on every moment,
and these scars continue to grow.
too long, 'tis too long...
this life... aged, but still an infant.
too long, this charade still plays on.
and i, lost in the sepulchre of my whole existence.
this race to perfection has to meet its end.
these mindless games of deceit and betrayal -
clouds the whole dawn of realization and the morrow.
and i, still, ever vigilant for graciousness' coming.
waiting - this i know i am -
in the stillness of the mind.
the ever fleeting moments that capture my thoughts -
has but a single breath to live.
º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º
ever the chaste of emotions,
ever the stroke of delight,
ever the tears that falls
from these shadowed eyes...
by and by, life travels inside me.
mine emotions running past through
the winter landscapes of my mind.
there, seeks the heart of it all.
searching for what was lost -
and what can be found.
living on a dream as fragile
as a decade old rose.
dying for eternity's caress,
and slowly ascending towards
the heavens of this life.
bless thee, God, for this humanity.
Why do i feel my heart's hallow?
Why does is seems that everything is still?
as if i can watch a teardrop falling for hours on end.
what is this silence that surrounds?
that which screams on my stolid ear.
what are these wails of emotion -
that makes the deafening, empty silence alive?
still staring at the quiet starless skies...
still waiting for redemption...
as if my whole life is bleeding on every moment,
and these scars continue to grow.
too long, 'tis too long...
this life... aged, but still an infant.
too long, this charade still plays on.
and i, lost in the sepulchre of my whole existence.
this race to perfection has to meet its end.
these mindless games of deceit and betrayal -
clouds the whole dawn of realization and the morrow.
and i, still, ever vigilant for graciousness' coming.
waiting - this i know i am -
in the stillness of the mind.
the ever fleeting moments that capture my thoughts -
has but a single breath to live.
º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º º
ever the chaste of emotions,
ever the stroke of delight,
ever the tears that falls
from these shadowed eyes...
by and by, life travels inside me.
mine emotions running past through
the winter landscapes of my mind.
there, seeks the heart of it all.
searching for what was lost -
and what can be found.
living on a dream as fragile
as a decade old rose.
dying for eternity's caress,
and slowly ascending towards
the heavens of this life.
bless thee, God, for this humanity.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
End of the day...
The sun has set hours ago,
The starless velvet has but a few momments to live,
But still, my day has yet to end -
For this day shall go on til eternity.
That this time shall ride on til forever
As these events shall be consumed by Memory.
That untangible god, that weaver of emotions,
That scribe of Fates.
For he hungers not just for torment,
But for humanly pleasures equally.
And I have much to offer him tonight.
To me, as much value that equals his thirst.
Mine thoughts now, are treasures, for him and mine -
His treasures, mine thoughts, he treasures.
Such lavish exchange for these kingly wealth,
But for my dear old friend, Memory, only the grandest.
I give to him ever so willingly, In return-
I may view these jewels of my past as often as I wish -
I trust and hope he'll care for this new gift of mine,
For I don't ever want to forget this kingly delight.
The starless velvet has but a few momments to live,
But still, my day has yet to end -
For this day shall go on til eternity.
That this time shall ride on til forever
As these events shall be consumed by Memory.
That untangible god, that weaver of emotions,
That scribe of Fates.
For he hungers not just for torment,
But for humanly pleasures equally.
And I have much to offer him tonight.
To me, as much value that equals his thirst.
Mine thoughts now, are treasures, for him and mine -
His treasures, mine thoughts, he treasures.
Such lavish exchange for these kingly wealth,
But for my dear old friend, Memory, only the grandest.
I give to him ever so willingly, In return-
I may view these jewels of my past as often as I wish -
I trust and hope he'll care for this new gift of mine,
For I don't ever want to forget this kingly delight.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Timeless You
Find yourself flowing with life
eternity by your heels
seconds are centuries
millenia but a wink
your hourglass eyes stares
and stops the sun, the moon and me
and we find ourselves revolving
around, beyond, then through you
eternity by your heels
seconds are centuries
millenia but a wink
your hourglass eyes stares
and stops the sun, the moon and me
and we find ourselves revolving
around, beyond, then through you
111105
*something i wrote a long time ago. i just dug it out.
suffer the helpless accord of my transgressions
ever the begotten, ever the benevolent
signs of the reversal of ascension
as i accustomed to your view and mind and perception
ever the plain, ever the sickening violence
congested in my heart to my spleen
and i grow in lavish abundance of ignorance and hate
again, falter into submission
and grace rebuked
as the grave digs itself to hell
my heart is my coffin
and my head is the funeral bell
10:44
suffer the helpless accord of my transgressions
ever the begotten, ever the benevolent
signs of the reversal of ascension
as i accustomed to your view and mind and perception
ever the plain, ever the sickening violence
congested in my heart to my spleen
and i grow in lavish abundance of ignorance and hate
again, falter into submission
and grace rebuked
as the grave digs itself to hell
my heart is my coffin
and my head is the funeral bell
10:44
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Waiting for the day to end...
This day sucks. No point in debating there. It was an awful, awful day. Woke up at the wrong side of the bed, and when I went to work, it was just a big ball of stress bouncing on my head, among other things. On the drive home, I was contemplating how everything seems to be falling apart in my life. Then I saw the street children knocking on the cars’ windows as rain was slowly pouring over the land. Then I asked myself “What the hell are you complainin’ about?”
Just woke up...
Last night, fear was eating me up. It just suddenly consumed me that I just dropped what I was doing and went straight to bed (straight to bed without finishing my work, turning off the computer and internet… ha!).
I promised myself to be stronger. I know I became stronger, but I’m not strong enough. How do you become stronger against loneliness? If loneliness is the only problem that can be solved by other people, how do you answer it on your own then?
A friend of mine was having girl problems, I could have given him the company he needed but I didn’t. I guess deep inside I was nurturing my own particular brand of loneliness. That I have problems on my own, and adding other people’s worries won’t help much.
All this is crap. I know that one day someone will take all that loneliness away from me. That one day, I’ll laugh it off with that someone as if my past was just a stupidly drawn bad dream. All these nonsense thoughts about being alone are utterly pointless. They’re nothing but masks to block away the reality around, and before me.
One day, that person will come. Hope. Hope is the answer to loneliness.
Until that person knocks on my door, my friends can keep me company. I know those true, outstanding and amazing friends I have won’t forsake me at my times of need, so why worry? (Cheers to each and every one of you!)
So here I am, still waiting for that special someone to enter my life, still waiting for that idealistic dream. As I inch towards that dream, I fall dawn, I lose faith, but then I still stand up taller than before.
So I guess I am stronger than before. Well, not particularly that happy right now, but still… strong enough to hold on ‘til tomorrow.
I promised myself to be stronger. I know I became stronger, but I’m not strong enough. How do you become stronger against loneliness? If loneliness is the only problem that can be solved by other people, how do you answer it on your own then?
A friend of mine was having girl problems, I could have given him the company he needed but I didn’t. I guess deep inside I was nurturing my own particular brand of loneliness. That I have problems on my own, and adding other people’s worries won’t help much.
All this is crap. I know that one day someone will take all that loneliness away from me. That one day, I’ll laugh it off with that someone as if my past was just a stupidly drawn bad dream. All these nonsense thoughts about being alone are utterly pointless. They’re nothing but masks to block away the reality around, and before me.
One day, that person will come. Hope. Hope is the answer to loneliness.
Until that person knocks on my door, my friends can keep me company. I know those true, outstanding and amazing friends I have won’t forsake me at my times of need, so why worry? (Cheers to each and every one of you!)
So here I am, still waiting for that special someone to enter my life, still waiting for that idealistic dream. As I inch towards that dream, I fall dawn, I lose faith, but then I still stand up taller than before.
So I guess I am stronger than before. Well, not particularly that happy right now, but still… strong enough to hold on ‘til tomorrow.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Where Are You Going?
by Dave Matthews Band
Where are you going?
With the long face pulling down
Don’t hide away like the ocean
That you can’t see
But you can smell
And the sound of waves crash down
I am no superman
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing:
It’s where you are is where I belong
I do know, where you go
Is where I wanna be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars
If along the way, you are growing weary
You can rest with me until a brighter day, and you’re ok
[Chorus:]
I am no superman
And I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing:
Where you are, is where I belong
I do know, where you go
Is where I wanna be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Where do you go?
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
[Chorus]
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
And where are you going?
Where this goes
Where are you going?
With the long face pulling down
Don’t hide away like the ocean
That you can’t see
But you can smell
And the sound of waves crash down
I am no superman
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing:
It’s where you are is where I belong
I do know, where you go
Is where I wanna be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars
If along the way, you are growing weary
You can rest with me until a brighter day, and you’re ok
[Chorus:]
I am no superman
And I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing:
Where you are, is where I belong
I do know, where you go
Is where I wanna be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Where do you go?
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
[Chorus]
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
And where are you going?
Where this goes
Its 2:38!
Setting:
In my room.
Atmosphere:
Quiet...
Basic Plot:
Outbursts about the digestion of the week's events.
Went out a while ago. Watched Session Road at Xeymaca. Hey, I'm really starting to like their sound. Nice company, I was with Cowgurl Anne, Gi, Wootie & hubby, and others. It was a quiet night beside a loud band. You get the drift... Anyway, I wasn't really planning to go out, but I did. I dunno, i just wanted to clear my head too i suppose. So did it? Nah. At least I had fun.
This whole week was a roller coaster ride. This night out was just a pleasant way to kick back and relax after all that... that...... i dunno what to call these days.
Eventful. I would say the week was eventful.
With all the tumbling down and the things I went through, I can proudly say I came out from all of it happier than before. (Happier? Can't seem to find a "better" word for it in this case... hmmm...)
But it is true. I can honestly say I'm happy. (I'm sure everyone who knows me knows how big of a deal it is... hehehe...)
All those tibbits of memories someone gave me, when stitched together, blocks out every single drop of doubt to the world I'm living on. Someday I'll thank that person. For everything she never thought she ever did. And for what she still does to me.
So here I am, still alive, unharmed, and well. Going about happier than before. With a little bounce on my steps, i tread on life, bolder and stronger.
One day I'll thank her for that. For this.
In my room.
Atmosphere:
Quiet...
Basic Plot:
Outbursts about the digestion of the week's events.
Went out a while ago. Watched Session Road at Xeymaca. Hey, I'm really starting to like their sound. Nice company, I was with Cowgurl Anne, Gi, Wootie & hubby, and others. It was a quiet night beside a loud band. You get the drift... Anyway, I wasn't really planning to go out, but I did. I dunno, i just wanted to clear my head too i suppose. So did it? Nah. At least I had fun.
This whole week was a roller coaster ride. This night out was just a pleasant way to kick back and relax after all that... that...... i dunno what to call these days.
Eventful. I would say the week was eventful.
With all the tumbling down and the things I went through, I can proudly say I came out from all of it happier than before. (Happier? Can't seem to find a "better" word for it in this case... hmmm...)
But it is true. I can honestly say I'm happy. (I'm sure everyone who knows me knows how big of a deal it is... hehehe...)
All those tibbits of memories someone gave me, when stitched together, blocks out every single drop of doubt to the world I'm living on. Someday I'll thank that person. For everything she never thought she ever did. And for what she still does to me.
So here I am, still alive, unharmed, and well. Going about happier than before. With a little bounce on my steps, i tread on life, bolder and stronger.
One day I'll thank her for that. For this.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
'Tis a sad, sad day in a sad, sad week
Hello, Earthlings! How's your world? I hope everything's fine on that wonderful third planet from the sun.
Me? Still falling stupidly in a black hole. That stupid vortex is drawing me closer to oblivion and beyond. I'm finding myself trapped in the crushing gravity of nothingness and forcing my thoughts to accept the metaphysics of the shadowy realm of bitter loneliness. Its drawing every pebble of my mind's landscape to surrender to the infinite calculations of (dare i say it...) fate. To accept that the infinite paths of time and space gave me a dead end. So sad.
So sad, indeed. When the bright sun of your life turns to that chaotic whirlpool of nothingness and void. As the gravity that once held all order and harmony turns to a vampiric force of melancholia. And the saddest bit among them all is the meek submission of one's will to the seemingly inevitable grip of the degrading hopelessness. Yes, hopelessness. That which binds all answers to the numeric equivalent of zero. That same hopelessness that spreads its influence to the far reaches of the unchartered dimensions of possibilities. That which kills worlds in a single blink.
Bleak. Yeah. My chances are bleak. That's the word for this world. Bleak. As dim as the last light of day from a screaming sunset. Bleak. The same feeling of the first second from a good dream, as you wake up and find out that that wonderful world is nothing more than a few ounces of brain fluid in the middle of this chaotic and seemingly pointless life. Bleak. I feel bleak.
Me? Still falling stupidly in a black hole. That stupid vortex is drawing me closer to oblivion and beyond. I'm finding myself trapped in the crushing gravity of nothingness and forcing my thoughts to accept the metaphysics of the shadowy realm of bitter loneliness. Its drawing every pebble of my mind's landscape to surrender to the infinite calculations of (dare i say it...) fate. To accept that the infinite paths of time and space gave me a dead end. So sad.
So sad, indeed. When the bright sun of your life turns to that chaotic whirlpool of nothingness and void. As the gravity that once held all order and harmony turns to a vampiric force of melancholia. And the saddest bit among them all is the meek submission of one's will to the seemingly inevitable grip of the degrading hopelessness. Yes, hopelessness. That which binds all answers to the numeric equivalent of zero. That same hopelessness that spreads its influence to the far reaches of the unchartered dimensions of possibilities. That which kills worlds in a single blink.
Bleak. Yeah. My chances are bleak. That's the word for this world. Bleak. As dim as the last light of day from a screaming sunset. Bleak. The same feeling of the first second from a good dream, as you wake up and find out that that wonderful world is nothing more than a few ounces of brain fluid in the middle of this chaotic and seemingly pointless life. Bleak. I feel bleak.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Just trying things out while waisting time in class:
| You Are a Prophet Soul |
 You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul |
| You Are Cyclops |
 Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause. You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them. Power: force beams from your eyes |
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Stolid
Hello, my life...
how are you?
still walking alone?
still towards the unknown?
Are you still faceless?
mute? and deaf?
still trying as hard as you can
to feel... loved?
Have you really smiled lately?
has anyone touched your
cold, scarred skin yet?
have you felt that warm feeling yet?
Or has anyone stopped to ask you
"what's wrong?" or "how are you?"
still none?
still?
Has anyone smiled at you
and tried to make your day better?
you still don't know what that is?
its been too long, hasn't it?
Too long, the years
round about and went by
too long this shroud covers our eyes
take a rest, please, my life.
how are you?
still walking alone?
still towards the unknown?
Are you still faceless?
mute? and deaf?
still trying as hard as you can
to feel... loved?
Have you really smiled lately?
has anyone touched your
cold, scarred skin yet?
have you felt that warm feeling yet?
Or has anyone stopped to ask you
"what's wrong?" or "how are you?"
still none?
still?
Has anyone smiled at you
and tried to make your day better?
you still don't know what that is?
its been too long, hasn't it?
Too long, the years
round about and went by
too long this shroud covers our eyes
take a rest, please, my life.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
The Axe Fell
When the world ends...
Yeah... problems up to my head are brewing.
Family, love life, i dunno i guess career too...
Sooner or later i'm gonna be covered in shit...
Its all down hill from where I'm standing.
*sigh*
Yeah... problems up to my head are brewing.
Family, love life, i dunno i guess career too...
Sooner or later i'm gonna be covered in shit...
Its all down hill from where I'm standing.
*sigh*
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
what?
Hehehehe! i made the last post half-asleep... i was planning to edit it but, what the hey... (enumerate?! wha?!)
i still can't make a senseful draft 'til now. although i am awake, my mind's just swimming here, there and everywhere. ain't this feeling grand?
what blog-worthy stories can i write? nothing at the moment... though there are solid thoughts in my head... i guess i just want to float inside my thoughts for a while and let the wave (torrent? :P) of emotion you gave me ride me 'til the hymn of the night.
See you around the bend!
i still can't make a senseful draft 'til now. although i am awake, my mind's just swimming here, there and everywhere. ain't this feeling grand?
what blog-worthy stories can i write? nothing at the moment... though there are solid thoughts in my head... i guess i just want to float inside my thoughts for a while and let the wave (torrent? :P) of emotion you gave me ride me 'til the hymn of the night.
See you around the bend!
random whatevers on a rainy tuesday morning
i can't think of any sentence structure to work on so i guess i'll just enumerate my thoughts.
- its a quiet and gloomy morning. i wish i can enjoy it in my room... but i'm here at work because i have a murderous schedule...
- went home after 2am i think. and i got to work at 8am. thank god i don't go out that often anymore... i want to rest up...
- met up with my best friend last night. that was fun... some booze, lots of food, and a nice conversation which consisted a series of unresolved arguments that we'll continue arguing about 'til ages come.
- i can't stop sketching right now. i want to post my sketches. still waiting for those "creative criticisms" to hit me.
- my grammar isn't working today... wrong grammarage making me look like a speech impediment person. wakey wakey, brain...
- i'm happy in this gloomy, cloudy day... there's still a bright yellow sun sparkling in my eye.
- as much as i want to make this piece longer, i can't... my mind is stuck on thoughts of you.
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