where art thou, thy meaning, i knoweth not?

I lost my train of thought...

I was writing something a few minutes ago then the computer stopped on me... haaay... well, back to senseless blogging...

I remember i was writing something about running all over the metro these past few weeks looking for solace. Now that the momentum is gone, i'll just have to do with this nonstructured, nonsensical outline form of a blog. boring. anyway... i've been going all over, meeting old friends, eating everywhere, drinking everything and doing seemingly spontaneous stuffs to the point its predictable. but alas, the closest bit that contained solace was a big burger from brother's. so sad. when the defintition of one's happiness is contained between two pieces of bread, swimming with caramelized onions and a half-pound slab of meat. now there is little comfort in this world for the likes of me. and i, my somber self, am stuck with me. last night was dreadful. I had no gimiks (people where off to God knows where), no pc (crashed a week ago), no excrements (the store was out of booze), and no sleep (insomnia... though i finally slept after hours of staring into space). There and then i realized i've fallen into the bad habit of dependence. I have to come off it... End of Chapter 1, switching to Side B...

i was supposed to write something meaningful... but passion was over-ridden by a non-cooperative computer. that's my problem now ain't it? passion was over-ridden by senseless things.

where is my passion? i can see it on the horizon. is it coming or going? i'll never know. its chasing somebody, that i know. my passion has gone someplace that has no internet connection, no network coverage, and no means of transportation. I guess i should start walking towards it then. where will it lead me? hopefully to the start of some grand adventure larger than me and my life.

Through the Looking Glass

Lewis Carroll

A boat, beneath a sunny sky
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July -

Children three that nestle near,
Eager eye and willing ear
Pleased a simple tale to hear -

Long has paled that sunny sky:
Echoes fade and memories die:
Autumn frosts have slain July.

Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.

Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nestle near.

In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream -
Lingering in the golden gleam -
Life, what is it but a dream?

Excerpts from the Preface of Sylvie and Bruno

"... As the years went on, I jotted down, at odd moments, all sorts of odd ideas, and fragments of dialogue, that occured to me--who knows how?--with a transitory suddenness that left me no choice but either to record them then and there, or to abandon them to oblivion. Sometimes one could trace to their source these random flashes of thought--as being suggested by the book one was reading, or struck from out from the 'flint' of one's own mind by the 'steel' of a friend's chance remark--but they had also a way of their own, of occurring, a propos of nothing--specimens of that hopelessly illogical phenomenon, 'an effect without a cause'..."

-- Lewis Carroll