Of love and life...

On my first draft, this one was supposed to be happy:

When you say "life is bullshit," a lot of people will agree. Well tonight, I'll join them. Life is all bull covered in sugar and spice. I just feel depressed now. When everything doesn't make sense, when ends won't meet, when the whole world seems to rattle every rational fiber left in your shattered heart, we suddenly stop ourselves from everything and disconnect our life and think ever so solemnly to ourselves: "what the fuck?!"
I'm 26. I've lived most of my life in depression (Would you believe? Its actually true.). I grew up believing that stupid fairytale-like-scenario-where-someone-will-break-down-all-misery-and-i-will-finally-know-the-meaning-of-love-and-life nonsense. Now I'm still paying the price for that folly. Paying for it with my every painful breath.
I am so unlucky when it comes to love. Its the truth! My first relationship was short-lived, and devastatingly tragic. My second gf was also short-lived and left a big question mark. And the last, well... if the one before left a question mark, the last left an exclamation point. I had one relationship(MU? way, way before which for me was my first love... baduy...) but somehow she can't make herself "like" me i suppose because we lasted for only three weeks. So that's zero over four.
More? Well... I fell extremely deep for a friend when i was in college. We talked constantly for hours and i never got tired. We talked as if it was our daily routine. In fact, we talked more than she and her boyfriend. Weighing the emotions i felt with the my previous relationships, to her was heavier by far. What did I do? I stopped talking to her because i couldn't take it anymore. A lot of complications are involved in the story but to cut this stupid blog short, I never dreamt of destroying a relationship. So there.

5 of 5. All painful experiences.

Its not that I don't meet a lot of people. Actually, its fairly easy to get a date or two and other things to that context if (if!!!) I want to. But love... well... love is elusive.

Venturing on the 6th? Too soon to tell...

So that's "of love"... still thinking if I should continue with the "of life" bit... I'm getting sober so I'll stop here... Ah yes... alcohol, burn and other lonely vices, that's how i should start with the "of life" bit because honestly, that kept me alive. Maybe later... If i get stoned enough to write again of things i shouldn't write about...