Satisfied

Emily Dickinson

One Blessing had I, than the rest
So larger to my eyes
That I stopped gauging, satisfied,
For this enchanted size.

It was the limit of my dream,
The focus of my prayer,-
A perfect, paralyzing bliss
Contented as despair.

I knew no more of want or cold,
Phantasms both become,
For this new value in the soul,
Supremest earthly sum.

The heaven below the heaven above
Obscured with ruddier hue.
Life's latitude leant over-full;
The judgement perished, too.

Why joys so scantily disburse,
Why Paradise defer,
Why flood are served to us in bowls,-
I speculate no more.

Bubbly

Colbie Caillat

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place

And it starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

And it starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

What am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way

I just mmmmm

And they start in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

And it starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feeling shows
'cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Where ever where ever where ever you go
Where ever where ever where ever you go
where ever you go
I always know
'Cause you make me smile
Even just for a while

Novocaine For The Soul

Eels

Life is hard
And so am I
You'd better give me something
So I don't die
Novocaine for the soul
Before I sputter out
Life is white
And I am black
Jesus and his lawyer
Are coming back
Oh my darling
Will you be here
Before I sputter out?
Guess who's living here with the great undead
This paint by numbers life is fucking with my head, once again.
Life is good
And I feel great
Cuz mother says I was
A great mistake
Novocaine for the soul
You'd better give me something to fill the hole
Before I sputter out.

Blah blah yada yada yakidi yak

I HAVE NOT BLOGGED FOR A LONG TIME.

Everytime i go close to blogging i would just write down why i can't blog, and how busy i am. That's just bull. I don't want to blog those. the whole world is busy enough for me to add rants about my own petty, frolicsome life. and even when i get pass that, i would just write some senseless things about sense in the world. Nah, me no likeee. Then what is there to blog?

Trials, for one thing. when the everyday battles of daily life seem to hush when something wrong is brewing. that's worth writing about.

Beauty, another. What more gives sense to opening our eyes other than for beauty?

Good times. Ahhhh... a lot of those have passed this blog by.

Madness. what is a tale without one?

Thanksgiving. yes, better start with that. I thank... well... just about everyone. God, the giver. Friends, the ever sanctuaries. Work, ah... food. Smokes, self explanatory. Car, the ever dependable. Students, makes my life oh some much complicated. and many, many fuckin' more. Thank y'all!

There are so much things i want to blog about. no coherent thoughts though. I'll just write here, whatever and whenever:

º¿º Did i mention i'm still sick? AAAAARRRRGGHHHH!!! the dreaded pityriasis rosea... damn you pityriasis rosea, damn you!!! it still burns... it has been for more than two months. just a small patch and i am finally rid of it!

º¿º i looove digital painting. i will make a career out of it. ideas, check. new hobby, check. skill set, check. motivation, errr...

º¿º insomnia. its killing me.

º¿º i like teaching. i think if i take it seriously, it can be my career. but then, there's a bigger world out there. i can go back to teaching when i have tons more to give to people.

º¿º I know no one really reads my blog, or if someone does i'm pretty sure its rare. i don't mind. maybe that's one thing i like about blogging. just let it out. and when someone actually takes time to read it, you'll know someone actually cares... or them sombitch is jus too bored o' doin' nuthin'.

º¿º insomnia. its killing me.

º¿º so much to write, yet so few internet cards. hehe, yes, i know i should get dsl or something. its just that i'm at work seven days a week and i'm not around to take care of it and i don't really know if my family should actually be using the internet...
... i'll be back.

i miss blogging

random whatevers

\1/ i love the smell of coffee in the morning. i'm a coffee fiend lately... i'm cutting down though... one venti caramel machiatto to go please!

\2/ the world and its people seems so slow these days. or the people just work reallll slow.

\3/ i love working. i actually do. i'm numbing my life with it. some escapist shit i suppose.

\4/ transformers is awesome! but seven samurai is still my favorite. all that hyped up CG and it still can't beat a black and white film.

\5/ the girl in the transformers movie is hot!

\6/ i want time to sit down and write something meaningful. in the words of daria, "i want to write something about something, not just anything, but something."

\7/ i will now take my skills seriously. about time too. i owe God a lot.

\8/ i'll be back...

One Savage June

Yes. I can see the tempest on the horizon. This will be one savage June. Damn.
June 1. I just confirmed i have 4 websites, 1 DVD compilation, 1 music video editing, 1 movie editing, and 1 magazine to do asap. And to top it all up, i am handling 5-6 classes. So roughly 9 hours of my time I'll be at Makati from mon to sat, and the rest I'll be working at my other office.
... Work work work...
Good thing I have that to fill up my life now. Thank you, God, for all these blessings.

Granny

Dave Matthews Band

Hello how are you doing today
I hope I find you feeling healthy
I'm so glad our paths crossed this time today
On our way into the night

We find love it's hiding there
In the shadows in the darkness
Maybe you and I
Could bring it to the light
Love when I approach the tears
They fall like rain
You tell me baby your hearts into a thousand pieces

Now stop only old and wise with clouded eyes
You can't see what I can, but I
Blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next good thing that comes my way

So here we are all of us stand around
We're leaning heavy on each other
Always wondering what is it that lies behind
The worried eyes of one another

I believe it's love that's hiding there
Inside you and inside me
Maybe the two of us could bring it to the light
Love when I approach the tears they fall like rain
You tell me baby your heart's into a thousand pieces

Now stop only old and wise with clouded eyes
You can't see what I can, but I
Blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next pretty girl that comes my way

I say it's love that's inside here
Come on out and sell it, listen
Maybe you and I could bring it to the light
Love with my approach the tears they fall like rain
You tell me baby your heart's into a thousand pieces

Love
Baby
Love
Baby
Love
Baby

of the dead, of the living, & of the unborn

of the dead:

yesterday we watched 28 week later. it was fun. a lot of running here and there, like the blair witch, and a lot of gore (a tad bit too much actually). watching the movie, i was just wondering, which are worse, those zombies or the people? the undead seemed animalistic, yet men seemed so savage. maybe there is no answer. never mind. i'm not looking for one anyway. people are savage. one savage world.

of the living:

life as i know it seemed to spin like phantasmagoria, the haphazard changing of sceneries like in dreams. where everything seemed so unrelated but it is. the living around me changes as well. no more of the life i had a month ago. everything seemed so different. real yet unfamiliar. illusionary yet solid in my hands. life is just.

of the unborn:

anne and i had an debate(?) about what one should think of their future offsprings. i'm sure most of you will agree with her about planning good things for your future kids. setting your mind that your kids will be loved, nurtured, provided, unharmed, comfortable beyond any mortal. its all so glossy and sparkling to the eyes but i said no. i just think one should not actually dream and plan about something that does not currently exist. they may exist someday, so i think dream about it when they do start existing. why give yourself the pressure when now is not the time for those things. and with you're already giving pressure to the unborn man. if it is time, then i'm sure God would let us know otherwise. live the present well and right, and you will never go wrong tomorrow.

Time: Velocity of the Adventurer

Time's a moving real fast these days yessiree. A many many things happening nowadays. A little bit of luck bouncing up and down here and there. Places to be, people to meet up with. Strange events happening up and about. And somehow, time stretches for me.
Is this sounding like a 40's sci-fi manuscript? hahaha... Nah... its just me wondering why these things are happening. Well I can't really go into details... but this has been an extra-ordinary month so far. Hmmm... where do i begin? Well, let's just say the first week was hell of a fun ride. Relaxation, stress-free work, leisure, winning a nice prize, and other things need not be mentioned here. To sum it all up, everything was smooth sailing until one day, i suddenly felt my luck sink down. And then *BAM!* pop goes the balloon! A major problem at work, we lost an important equipment. I can't design anything now even if my life depends on it. Tried to tie loose ends with my ex. And I'm broke as a Lebanese swine herder.
Ok, so the last part wasn't real. A swine herder may have more money than I, but who cares? All I'm saying is "haven't you felt that feeling when everything is crashing and tumbling and sliding and falling down in just a small amount of time?" Sometimes you just feel that hope is dwindling away in every fraction of a second. Still, I guess it ain't all that bad, life bounces up as fast as it falls so I'll just wait for my luck to change direction. Just a little more time and everything will be back to normal. And once again I will be able to resume my worry free life. If I want to.

O love, daughter of delights, a king is held captive in your tresses....

"And she kissed me with the kisses of her mouth, and her loves were more delicious than wine and her ointments had a goodly fragrance, and her neck was beautiful among pearls, and her cheeks among earrings, behold thou art fair, my beloved, behold thou art fair; thine eyes are doves, and let me see thy face, let me hear thy voice, for thy voice is harmonious and thy face enchanting, thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck, thy lips drop as the honeycomb, honey and milk are under thy tongue, the smell of thy breath is of apples, thy two breasts are clusters of grapes, thy palate a heady wine that goes straight to my love and flows over my lips and teeth…. A fountain sealed, spikenard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, myrrh and aloes,. I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey, I have drunk my wine with my milk. Who was she, who was she who rose like the dawn, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, terrible as an army with banners?"

- Umberto Eco, "The Name of the Rose"

Life in Motion and the Still Soul

No matter where we end up, or what we fall into, life almost surely has an answer as to why.
Every foul up, every heart break, every course of our tears, leaves an imprint in our hungry souls that is there for as long as we have an identity. This is our character, this is what makes us who we are. These are the defining moments in our lives, the times that we fail. But more importantly, the times we learned and moved on from the valleys of life. Life is always in motion, and our still souls find solace as events traverse in our lives.
What is our motor in life? Why does it move? Does it really have to?
Life must always be in motion and moves in every possible direction. We are all caught in the winds of chance, we are all gliding to our fate. Whether we wither down in our beds, or battle the city life, Whether we traverse alone by choice or chasing the person you love, we are all in Destiny's play.
And no matter where we end up, or what we fall into, life almost surely has an answer as to why. Just give life a little more time to explain, we'll know why.


--- cont'd

Idiosyncrasies, Trepidations, Monotony, Diversity, Fallibility, and the Unorthodox Surprises of the Bowels of Life in General

Last Feb. 4 was my best birthday yet. No question. It was high time to celebrate my day in lavish style (?! ... style...? ... yeah right). The last party i had that involved more than 10 people was when i turned 7. twenty years later, i surrounded myself with friends, friends, friends. Yes, your math is correct, i just turned 27. In the defiant words of my friend, "Ang tanda mo na!"
It was a nice surprise in my turning-to-be-ho-hum-like life. This year is a promising year of work to the brim. And i'm jumping to it head-on with stupendous glee! Although as wistfully dull as it sounds, i actually think i'll enjoy every second of it (Heaven forbid). not much to fill my life lately, and career seems to be good enough path to tread on. Yes, i may sound like i'm getting old, but the key is to make anything and everything meaningful and worthy enough to actually have (with all the simplicity of the word...) fun! And last weekend was nothing but. I couldn't ask for anything more... well okay, that's over-stating it... there are things that could've sweetened the whole bit, but whose complaining? The fact is, i had fun just as God intended me to have that day. So with plenty of food and drinks that ran on our guests' esophagus, our bash (bestfriend Anne and i threw our parties at the same time) was an early exclamation point in this already exciting chapter of my life. So my social life seems to be in order, the definition of my career seems to be just around the corner, my family life has stabilized, and my love life... well that's for another blog. All in all i think i'm doing more than okay. I just need to budget my money and time and then i'm sure everything will be going according to the plan of the Powers That Be.
To all who was there, I thank you! Dear God, I thank you all for being there and just making my best birthday celebration yet! And now... i'm speechless... *bow*.

fun facts for fortitude

Things in my head that i actually want to remember now:
1. i'm testing out this i.ph blog... its actually fun to edit... mine's joods.i.ph. get yours!
2. i'm actually addicted to movie trailers... i realized i prefer vcd movies because they have more trailers. it relaxes me. haha...
3. i still want to keep my old battered-up phone. i was checking out other phones in the mall, nothing interested me enough to actually save up for one.
4. i'm actually tired and sick and bored with drinking. i feel restless all the time and i suddenly have this urge to just do something active. weird...
5. eyes fixed on the new business venture.
6. i miss old friends.
7. i miss writing. never have the chance to sit down and write.
8. i play the guitar too much.
9. i play the guitar less than what i should.
10. pray more, laugh less.
11. to actually finish things... honestly, i hate finishing things because i never did like endings. you know i feel sad every time i finish a book?
12. buying collectibles... comics, toys, cards... its like a treasure hunt. to buy something valuable yet cheap. one of these days...
13. i need to do other things now... next time...

The Centaur

"Since then, how strange he had grown! His top half felt all afloat in a starry firmament of ideals and young voices singing; the rest of his self was heavily sunk in a swamp where it must, eventually drown."

--John Updike

Memory of the Dead (Land and Liberty)

Rage Against The Machine

wealthy vampires
with the cold hands of executioners
execute
executive decisions
determined to destroy
what 1 million women, children, and men
1910
died, drowning in the rage of battle.
mothers, half naked
infants clutching thier necks
running frantically
tripping over the bodies of their sons
teeth gnashing
swinging machete
spitting blood and mud, and screaming:
land, and liberty!
were erased.
buried and burned
along with the memory of the dead
along with the ejido.
with the smooth stroke of a pen
and with the ghost of Nixon present in their eyes
they smiled.
and pronounced the omnipitence
of the free market
the profits of profit
extending the scurge of columbus and pizarro
the freedom to buy things you can never afford
the freedom for indians to buy corn that once flourished overgrown in their backyards
the freedom to die of curable disease
the freedom to watch their children's stomachs swell and burst
the freedom to starve and die
without land
or liberty
but Ramona, with eyes of obsidian
peering through her blood and sweat drenched mask
darding, unseen
changing direction with the swiftness of a bird
through the shanty's of the canyon
with every coyote, every insect, every phylum of life
urging her, propelling her forward.
the leaves and branches of the forest
part for miles, clearing her path
the voices and screams of the dead beneathe her feet
echo in the deepest chasm of her soul
hurling her, toward the city
history surging through her veins
pulsing through her fingers
hurling her, towards the city
she caresses her trigger
and the words of magome fulfil her being
and with each shot she fires, she affirms her movement
saying:
enough! enough!
no!
I will see my own blood flow
before you take my land...or my liberty

New day of the new year

it never felt so refreshing. it has been a long time since i woke up that refreshed. i can smell the new year. now that the smoke and dust has settled, its time to breath in 2007.
what will this year be like? i can't wait to find out.



---cont'd