On The Death of Anne Bronte

by Charlotte Bronte


THERE 's little joy in life for me,
And little terror in the grave ;
I've lived the parting hour to see
Of one I would have died to save.


Calmly to watch the failing breath,
Wishing each sigh might be the last ;
Longing to see the shade of death
O'er those belovèd features cast.


The cloud, the stillness that must part
The darling of my life from me ;
And then to thank God from my heart,
To thank Him well and fervently ;


Although I knew that we had lost
The hope and glory of our life ;
And now, benighted, tempest-tossed,
Must bear alone the weary strife.

Workaholism

Distractions. Everyone needs them. Who the hell wants to be chained in life every second of the day? Distractions. There are thousands out there. Pick your drug. Most my age rely on games to be sane. Basketball, Warcraft, Xbox, Halo, Magic, whatever. Others resort to automobiles, cellphones, clubbing, and all that nonsense. Hell, I don't have to name it all, I just want to point out the most practical (and most destructive in some point) of them all: Work.
Work can get your mind of life like no other game can. Work is binding, is controlling and the more you have, the less time you live. Work is an addiction and is very addictive. The thing about it is it is a need, not just some petty want. It is desire, it is fulfillment. Work is as necessary as food, more sought after than learning (the whole point of education is "to work" anyway), the life support of a family, and the means to get whatever the hell you want (the more you work, the closer you get the things you want right?).
I'm not really complaining about work. Actually I'm just assessing how addicted I am to it (when I have it, of course). Its like getting drunk for me, I'm so pre-occupied that I forget the problems around me, i stop thinking of the past and the future, and just be completely immersed with what I have to do at that moment. Like a stone.
Sobriety is a killer to an empty person. Fill it up with another and you get a totally new being. With alcohol, you fill that person up just for the night, fill a person with work and s/he's gonna live it as his/her life. Then what will that person be? A meaningless machine that needs work so as to have justification of a non-significant life. So that one can say one's life has a purpose, a direction and a goal. Should work be our goal and ambitions? Is acquiring the meaning of life?

We work to live, but we should not live to work.

let it fall

Sometimes I grab life with both hands, squeeze it tight, and when no one is looking, drop it from a twenty-three story building just to see it splat on the pavement...

its not destruction that drives me, but the notion of seeing every aspect of life. different perspectives give different results, and as a thinking, feeling human, i explore all ends. everything this life has to offer, all the blessed good to the down-trodden shit. what's the point in living in a gilded cage? what's the point in watching life in the sidelines? what's the point of being afraid of getting hurt, shot and battered? life gives me an opportunity to find myself, and i'm making use of every second of it. now i got my motivation to seize life by the balls. to tread the world and see how far i can go this time without anyone's inspiration and direction. no more father-figures, dream woman, god-searching and out-of-this-world-ambitions. none of that "what will i do now?" or "what'll happen if...?" no pretense. no distractions. i'll have none of it.

simple breathing will be my motor. and the notion that I'll meet God one of these days.