wondering why

I wonder: how come everytime my heart beats for someone, they are driven away?
That everytime my lips speak of a name, they always fall short? That everytime I am captivated, she disappears from me?
I wonder relentlessly. I wonder fervently. I wonder, my dying words.
I wonder when, and how. I wonder at things that ought to be or could have been. I wonder til the senses are blurred and reality but a mist turning to a whiff of smoke.
Let me be lost in wonder. Let me live upon a mere thought. Let me see the light through a pinhole. And magnify the perception tenfolds in my imagination. Let it live, breathe, grow in my head. For there is much in reality I cannot attain, let them be real enough for my imaginary hands. Maybe there, in a faraway land, in a portion of mindscape, that thought would branch to the real.
I wonder if it is all possible.
And I wonder, still, some more.