No poetry required

I
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can't
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get
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you
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out
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of
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my
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head.

I only knew you from the stroke of your brush

excerpts:

"I know where I stand then, I in front, you in the back. One day, it will be you in front and I'll be in the back of the room, applauding with the rest of the heads with listening ears. Cheering you on. May that day come. May you shine ever brighter, so that in our distance I would still be able to see the strokes of your brush."

Close One Chapter, Open Another.

The Dark Ages has passed. The plague has left the corpses in the streets, orphans we are all as civilization is in smoldering ruin. Never forget, tomorrow's sun brings about the Golden Age.

-----

My life, if you read on, has been topsy-turvy to say the least, but now it seems a great divide has come. Tectonic forces has shifted and life will never ever be the same. Me, here, standing in a flimsy bridge upon a canyon with thousands of nothingness beneath me. There, my life behind me with all its chaos and rage, poisonous deceit and insatiable greed, hatefully staring at me as I leave its plateau. Before me, the great unknown. The life I have always dreamed is finally before me. Shining and brilliant as promised. Still far away. Fear creeps. The violent winds push and sway. The storm coming, threatening and looming. Is the fear from falling or failing? Or am I afraid to finally live in Paradise without a knife in my hand? Life is fragile now. One wrong move, one slip, one crack, and I fall into nothingness. No turning back.

20-3-14

You are so far away -

- and you have taken my heart with you.

Did you notice that thumping lump by your feet?

Following your steps?

Every heart beat now is too distant, too weak and too far -

far enough that I can't feel my life for years now.

and my body sinks deeper in the grave -

made by my endless walking - in circles -

on the place we once made life.

Trudging again and again -

'til the footprints are six feet deep -

- and I am buried - again and again.

The drudgery of emotions -

- once the prize of my life -

now stands as a haunting relic that stares me each night in the face -

speaks to me in its ghostly whispers:

"Where is she?"

And I wait in the restless, deafening silence.

"Will she come back?"

I lay still and dead to the world that has past me by.

"She will not return -"

"She will not come for you -"

" - nor - will she ever seek you."

The truth echoes in the endless pit where my heart once was.

Yet -

- there -

- still -

 - I wait -

- for you. -

- always -

Untiring, unending march of hope for you -

whom once I called - life -

I wait on you -

- For it never was a choice.

-  It was a promise.

“And that's why i have to go back
to so many places
there to find myself
and constantly examine myself
with no witness but the moon
and then whistle with joy,
ambling over rocks and clods of earth,
with no task but to live,
with no family but the road.”
― Pablo Neruda

“so I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache.”



“We the mortals touch the metals,
the wind, the ocean shores, the stones,
knowing they will go on, inert or burning,
and I was discovering, naming all the these things:
it was my destiny to love and say goodbye.”



“my feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping but
I shall go on living.”



― Pablo Neruda

2-25

Morning comes and go
A constant ebb and flow
Time washes with the tide
while love subsides
Always a wait for the next morn
when forever love is born
Never be
will tomorrow bring you to me
Never be
a love renewed for all to see
Time flutters as we do
Lost hearts of mine and you
Promises as fragile as a dew drop
hanging on a thin leaf as gravity never stops
to take away what might have been
And then we all succumb to sin

So goodbye, dearest of all friends,
in the future may we make amends
For now there is nothing left for our eyes to see
but the unsung love that was promised to be
So goodbye, my once called love
May the pain for us both, we can rise above
Through the dust and smoke we'll see through our lives
and in separate mountain tops we'll scream our goodbyes
Life was with meaning before that night of scorn
and so with a heavy heart i am reborn
So goodbye, my once true love
I'll say, I'll shout, I'll scream from above.

The Scientist

Coldplay

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are,
I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart,
Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
I know let's go back to the start,
Running in circles,
Chasing our tails, heads on a silence apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part,
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard,
I'm going back to the start.

I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart,
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Did not speak as loud as my heart,
Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh when I rush to the start,
Running in circles,
Chasing tails,
Coming back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part,
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard,
Oh take me back to the start.

In My Place

Coldplay

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for you

If you go, if you go
Leaving me here on my own
Well I wait for you

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Please, please, please
Come on and sing to me
To me, me

Come on and sing it out, out, out
Come on and sing it now, now, now
Come on and sing it

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah
Oh yeah

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Re-instated, Rejuvinated, Re-ignited, Revamped, Recycled, Reanimated, Rebranded and Repackaged... The Remix Edition of Life as We Know It

BOOM!
And all the world comes crashing down. The wall that was meticulously built, with every brick fashioned and secured, was brought down by a single gaze and the softest lips. The walls of Jericho were no match for the Covenant. The world became smaller yet vastly encompassing all known directions. Planes shifted. Multiverses are born and dead. Reality collapsed. Life has sprung. I have drank my cup and it is empty but the well goes deeper. Wonder is alive. Hello. There you are, wonder.
The tornado in the ivory tower has seized. The second circle of hell has passed. I am alive. I am free. Free to see. I see you. In full color. In 3D. 4D. 11D in terrabyte speed! There you are. Standing in the light. I'll race to you then race with you. Hand in hand, never letting go. Let all hell break loose with the demons of our past gnarling. I dare them to come forward. For no darkness can sway a ray of light.
There you are. I see you. In the light. I love you.

Speed of Sound

Coldplay

How long before I get in?
Before it starts, before I begin?
How long before you decide?
Before I know what it feels like?
Where To, where do I go?
If you never try, then you'll never know.
How long do I have to climb,
Up on the side of this mountain of mine?

Look up, I look up at night,
Planets are moving at the speed of light.
Climb up, up in the trees,
every chance that you get,
is a chance you seize.
How long am I gonna stand,
with my head stuck under the sand?
I'll start before I can stop,
before I see things the right way up.

All that noise, and all that sound,
All those places I got found.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand?

Ideas that you'll never find,
All the inventors could never design.
The buildings that you put up,
Japan and China all lit up.
The sign that I couldn't read,
or a light that I couldn't see,
some things you have to believe,
but others are puzzles, puzzling me.

All that noise, and all that sound,
All those places I got found.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand,
ah when you see it then you'll understand?

All those signs, I knew what they meant.
Some things you can invent.
Some get made, and some get sent,
Ooh?
Birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand,
ah, when you see it then you'll understand?

13th of September, Let Me Remember...

One more hour to go and this eventful day is about to end its metaphysical state and charter to the land of memories forever encapsuled in a frozen state, unreal, illusion, yet will breathe more life than the actual living world. Reality, but a segway that crosses between the now and the known, and carries with it encapsuled memories to serve as both vice and vicar as we become the saint and the sinner. Forever locked in a deathdefying tango. Forever locked in a passionate embrace in a small room of coldplay's choice. Forever, in passion lain, soft kisses are the language of the free soul and the bleeding heart. Unending. Splashes of white and red. Drops of beer and ashes on the street floor. Burn the morning sky with its blazing, golden banner. It is ours, my friend. The day is ours. As real and surreal as a fragile belief. Let it echo on to the halls of our eternity. A memory.

Hello! This is me. will you look inside my life? feel free.

barely there

There was a time when i can write blogs upon blogs from a single notion.

Now i can barely create a status message.

Now all the words i use are quotes from historical people.

Sitting there, thoughts swimming in someone else's words.

I sit in my seat day in, day out.

Wondering where wonder went.

I'm barely there.

Chapter 30

Life, the predictable. Life, the unexpected. Life, the frivolous space of unconfined happenstance. And we, smimming in the middle.

.............................

As predicted, i landed on the unexpected.

where art thou, thy meaning, i knoweth not?

I lost my train of thought...

I was writing something a few minutes ago then the computer stopped on me... haaay... well, back to senseless blogging...

I remember i was writing something about running all over the metro these past few weeks looking for solace. Now that the momentum is gone, i'll just have to do with this nonstructured, nonsensical outline form of a blog. boring. anyway... i've been going all over, meeting old friends, eating everywhere, drinking everything and doing seemingly spontaneous stuffs to the point its predictable. but alas, the closest bit that contained solace was a big burger from brother's. so sad. when the defintition of one's happiness is contained between two pieces of bread, swimming with caramelized onions and a half-pound slab of meat. now there is little comfort in this world for the likes of me. and i, my somber self, am stuck with me. last night was dreadful. I had no gimiks (people where off to God knows where), no pc (crashed a week ago), no excrements (the store was out of booze), and no sleep (insomnia... though i finally slept after hours of staring into space). There and then i realized i've fallen into the bad habit of dependence. I have to come off it... End of Chapter 1, switching to Side B...

i was supposed to write something meaningful... but passion was over-ridden by a non-cooperative computer. that's my problem now ain't it? passion was over-ridden by senseless things.

where is my passion? i can see it on the horizon. is it coming or going? i'll never know. its chasing somebody, that i know. my passion has gone someplace that has no internet connection, no network coverage, and no means of transportation. I guess i should start walking towards it then. where will it lead me? hopefully to the start of some grand adventure larger than me and my life.

Through the Looking Glass

Lewis Carroll

A boat, beneath a sunny sky
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July -

Children three that nestle near,
Eager eye and willing ear
Pleased a simple tale to hear -

Long has paled that sunny sky:
Echoes fade and memories die:
Autumn frosts have slain July.

Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.

Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nestle near.

In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream -
Lingering in the golden gleam -
Life, what is it but a dream?

Excerpts from the Preface of Sylvie and Bruno

"... As the years went on, I jotted down, at odd moments, all sorts of odd ideas, and fragments of dialogue, that occured to me--who knows how?--with a transitory suddenness that left me no choice but either to record them then and there, or to abandon them to oblivion. Sometimes one could trace to their source these random flashes of thought--as being suggested by the book one was reading, or struck from out from the 'flint' of one's own mind by the 'steel' of a friend's chance remark--but they had also a way of their own, of occurring, a propos of nothing--specimens of that hopelessly illogical phenomenon, 'an effect without a cause'..."

-- Lewis Carroll

Of Reading and Writing

'Of all that is written I love only that which the writer wrote with his blood. Write with blood, and thou wilt learn that blood is spirit.
It is not easily possible to understand other people's blood. I hate the reading idlers.
He who knoweth the reader doth nothing more for the reader. Another century of readers - and the spirit itself will stink.
That everybody is allowed to learn to read spoileth in the long run not only writing but thinking.
Once spirit was God, then it became man, and now it is becoming mob.
He who writeth in blood and apophthegms seeketh not to be read, but to be learnt by heart.
In the mountains the shortest way is from summit to summit: but for that thou needest long legs. Apophthegms shall be summits, and they who are spoken unto, great ones and tall.
The air rarified and pure, danger near, and the spirit full of a gay wickedness: these agree well enough.
I desire to have goblins round me, for I am brave. Courage that dispelleth ghosts createth goblins for itself, - courage desireth to laugh.
I no longer feel as ye do: this cloud which I see beneath me, that blackness and heaviness at which I laugh, - that is your thunder-cloud.
Ye look upward when longing to be exalted. And I look downward because I am exalted.
Which of you can at the same time laugh and be exalted?
He who strideth across the highest mountains laugheth at all tragedies whether of the stage or of life...
I could believe only in God who would know how to dance.
And when I saw my devil, I found him earnest, thorough, deep, solemn: he was the spirit of gravity, - through him all things fall.
Not through wrath but through laughter one slayeth. Arise! let us slay the spirit of gravity!
I learned to walk: now I let myself run. I learned to fly: now I need no pushing to move me from the spot.
Now I am light, now I fly, now I see myself beneath myself, now a God danceth through me.'
Thus spake Zarathustra.

- Friedrich Nietzsche